Soon to be a full-fledged insomniac

Tonight on the way home from a fresh produce fix, I saw something that will haunt my dreams for nights to come. No sleeping pill in the world is strong enough to rid my head of this image. Because if I'm not thinking about what I saw tonight, I'll be thinking about its relatives still hiding out in my kitchen and bathroom.

I think you know what I'm writing about.

It was about an inch-and-a-half long, by far the biggest I've seen outside a museum. Imagine stepping on it. There'd be no cleaning your shoes. They'd be ruined. One crunch and you might as well toss them in the garbage. And to step on one barefoot? I won't even go there.

Now that I've seen how big they can get -- and probably have the genes to get a good half-inch longer -- I'm truly scared. I might as well get used to sleepless nights. Going to sleep at 4 a.m. will be normal.

They're in the walls, probably making babies right now.

The terror.