When do words lose their value?

I tack on "but not in a mean way" to statements so often. It's an excuse and an apology for something that is unintentionally mean, no matter how much we like to deny it.

Yesterday I made a remark about someone and seconds later I felt guilty, because what I said could have been interpreted as a mean statement.

I didn't intend to be cruel, but as soon as the words escaped my mouth, I couldn't help but feel sorry. The words weren't necessary.

Is saying "but not in a mean way" a lost cause? Is it meaningless? I say it a lot, and I'm sure people question its authenticity. I often tell people I'm sorry, too. I've been called on that from time to time, but I can honestly say I mean it. So it wears out its welcome after it's been said 100 times.

I don't think saying saying sorry or "but not in a mean way" is meaningless. But if we have to use the latter, it's probably because we have been mean even if we don't think so. And in our attempt to cover it up, we make our imperfections all the more obvious, that, in fact, we can be mean even when we haven't tried to be.